By Nyandano Tshikororo
I had never thought I would be writing about Clement ever again. I thought we was over, but I’m too attached to stay far from him. If you don’t follow grab on.
I had been writing about this guy ever since. He was my first ever have I had, but now he looks like my last. I really love and adore this man. I called him my first because of the kind of love he gave me. It was not supposed to be a long-term thing but it seems like we are heading to our forever. Oh and yes he’s a little bit older than me. He turned 43 in March and I turned 22 in February, It was all messy and fucked up We couldn’t even wish each other a happy birthday. I guess we were just too caught up in our moments.
I called him a few weeks after I broke up with him, he was just from France. I asked if he could pass by my place, he said it’s cool. We talked, we tried to argue, andwe went low again. We smiled and giggled until we laugh it out loud. And it brought back all the memories we shed and a question pop up, like a bubble on my head, “Why did you fall in love with this man?”. I didn’t know what to say but I already had an answer in my heart. He loved me dearly, with fear. Fear to break my heart, fear to be left heart broken. This man knows all my flaws yet he chose to be with me with my flaws.
I love him, I love him with scars, I love him with his flaws, imperfections and all that he is. I don’t know when he will come across all that I’ve written and said dearly about him. I wish it could be sooner. Since he doesn’t really know that I’m a blogger. It always been here and it doesn’t reach to a lot of people, but It’s better this way, since I don’t really open to the people I know.
Now yesterday was his mom’s death anniversary, she died on the 12th of April 2019. In the morning we was all good, chatting, It all happened so fast, his attitude just changed. The pain and the misery this day has brought him. I thought I could comfort as what we always do. I was so into comforting him on this situation but I didn’t know how I comfort him, I lost words. I told him what was inside me. My heart spoke to him.
Then on a paper I wrote:
“Through days like these I just have to make sure, certainly sure, and calmly remind him of all the people that cares for him and all that he has.
I have been suicidal before, no one helped go through that, I had to deal with everything by myself. But today I have to help someone conquer that too. Someone I really love. Someone I’m afraid to lose. I didn’t know what to tell him as soon as I noticed. I was scared, out words, somehow it felt funny but I had to put my light in the man’s heart. Give him hope, show him love and tell him how much he means to us. And for as much as I still need him, I know his kids needs him more❤”
I don’t wanna wait for tomorrow to tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him, because tomorrow is long time. But I know mama is with us, though I’ve never met her but she’s with us.
Morphy's Gallery 